i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize