ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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