Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
