when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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