Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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