I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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