I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
