Christians are straight up FREAKS
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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