Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
