Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dick very happy bro
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
