In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
