Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
