Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
