I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
