I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Congratulations! We have a period
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
