Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize