Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
