Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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