Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
