at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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