i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
