Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
