I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
