So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
