Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
