Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
