is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
