my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
