What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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