I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
