There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize