you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
