His pubic hair was longer than his dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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