It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
