I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
