News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
