It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my shit smells like andre
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
