oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize