Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
