I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
