I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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