she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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