there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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