New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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