Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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