i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
