I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
