We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
