Barsexuality is the new black.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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