I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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