Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
