You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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