I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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