I must be too annoying 4 u.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
