i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
