I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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