so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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