Whod you bang
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
