i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
