if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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