Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
