dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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