I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
