I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
