I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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