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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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