I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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