We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
