Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
