i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
