They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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