mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
