my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
