I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
