Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
