obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
