respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
