Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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