he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
