My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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