The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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