be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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