oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
as a side note pls kill me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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