we're chasing vodka with high fives
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize