Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
