we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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