They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize