i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Randomize
