The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
