I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
