Plan B is the new Plan A
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
