YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
