maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
