I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
