where am i from again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
