Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
