And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
