I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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