I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize