My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
