From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
