So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
