i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize