my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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