Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
