I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
