No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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