it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
two words: eviction party
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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