I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
