if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
